I’m not sure what’s going around these days, but it seems like many folks seem to be suffering from a slump that started at the end of 2015. I am no exception as I spent most of last year trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon where I came up short in September with a 3:58 when I needed a 3:45. It seemed to suck all the motivation right out of me, despite the fact that I still beat my marathon PR by almost 45 minutes. Still, I wanted to immediately shed the stress of the training and the constant worry and obsession about my pace so I went from around 200 miles a month down to about 50-60 for the rest of the year and into 2016.

If it weren’t for the pressure and commitment of the Brewers’ Cup races, I probably would have run even less. I’ve slogged around for the last few months with little regard to training, pace or consistency – rather lost in my fitness journey, unable to climb a flight of stairs without gasping and dreading every run like a trip to the dentist. However, as I began to realize that this physical spiral was also beginning to seep into my brain, I made the deliberate decision to change my inner dialogue and give myself some credit for everything I have done in the past and even the meager efforts I expend in the current day. I gave myself permission to take a knee, though understanding that the break is just a temporary reprieve and I desperately need to get back on the trails. It is time.

I remembered that I am capable of running well, so I impulsively applied to be a part of the Major Command Challenge for the Air Force Marathon in September where I am anxiously waiting to learn if I am selected for either the full or half marathon team. In this challenge, 3 males and 1 female run the full marathon and four males and two females run the half. The cumulative team time for both races gives the overall score so everyone’s run is important. The selection process isn’t hard – they just pick the applicants with the best validated run times and put you on the team. They supply a uniform, race entry, airfare and lodging for the event. I’ve already warned my husband that if I am selected, he “wins” too because he will be expected to run the race as well. Lucky Andy.

When I applied, the team manager said my times looked good, especially at altitude, but I’ll still have to wait and see who else applies. The pure fear of being selected has led me to immediately pick up my running frequency and start putting some thought into how I fuel my body. I don’t want to throw my name in the hat and then show up as a slug who can’t produce the times on my application. Last year’s races were pretty good, but I certainly couldn’t pull that off this week even on a good day. Training has officially begun for a race I don’t even know if I’m running. Worst case, I don’t get selected, but I get my rear back in shape and start feeling like a runner again.

I know that I am pulling out of the slump as I’m finally starting to enjoy my runs once again. They help quiet my mind and regulate my mood as well as my previously sky rocketing body weight. With my Brewers’ Cup runners, as well as my newly formed Colorado Running Company Garden Ten Miler team, I’ve got plenty of motivation and companions to carry me along the way. They make running FUN again.

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There certainly is something special about a run where you can tune out all your anxieties, appreciate your body’s effort and feel strong and sure about yourself no matter if you’re running a 6 minute or 10 minute mile. Enjoying the journey and not overly focusing on the destination has been my new mantra for 2016. That’s not to say that I’m not going to work hard and do the best I can to achieve my goals. It just means that whether or not I reach them, I respect the work that goes into my training and I make absolutely certain that in my push toward my goals, I don’t miss out on the fact that at the end of the day, I have great friends, a beautiful training ground outside my door and a body that is healthy and happy enough to oblige my crazy adventures. I am grateful for my ability at any level, but that won’t stop me from getting back to the challenge and working as hard as I can. It’s time to break free and run again. See you on the trails!