This is a copy of a post from 2012 but pretty much sums up the journey I've been on and seems to be never ending.
2012: Urrrrg…Ok I really should be working on my final paper for my World Culture and Values class but here I sit with a million other thoughts going through my head maybe if I get them down on paper I can get back to work. I don’t like to talk about me unless it’s me being goofy and I know everyone will get a laugh but this time I need to, not so much to explain but just to put it out there. What started all this contemplation is a comment made and it was not made to hurt it was just stated “You seem to be out to prove something”, well yeah I am but it’s not to impress people but to prove something to myself. Many of you know I have RA and most know the back story, it’s not something I talk about a lot but I feel some may understand me better and my crazy adventures if they knew more.
I started having issues in high school and attributed them to growing pains and the fact that I was so active but as I grew older the pain continued until it became too much and I was sent to a specialist. I was 23 a newlywed not even a year into marriage when they started to suspect something was not right it wasn’t till I was 24 that I finally had my diagnosis. So then began the rollercoaster of medications till we finally found one that would work of course this took about 3yrs of trying and failing and me getting worse. By worse I mean I had days I couldn’t walk it hurt so bad I would use a cane to help me get around and myself confidence was no more. Until one day a new drug came out that changed everything and set me back on the path to being me. I started Remicade infusions and slowly very slowly the weight started to come off I was more active I could finally walk the block again. I continued to get better and since moving to Colorado I am a new person, I take Enbrel now which is a weekly shot I give myself and it sucks but hey I have few and far between days of pain. A lot has changed in me and my life since starting this journey myself confidence is back and since getting better I have put myself through school twice (Medical Assistant followed by Surgical Assistant, now I can say I have a degree) and am now on to my BSN. I spent many a day on the couch in pain and now I don’t want to miss a day I need to prove to myself that even though I have a chronic illness it will not rule my life, only I can do that and if that means pushing myself to accomplish several new goals a year then that’s what I will do.